Jaxon's 2 Month Update!!!!!

October 8th 2013

Wow! Where does the time go? My life is so busy that I keep forgetting to update my blog so this update is about two weeks late-whoops! 

So much has changed in the last month and Jaxon seems like a different baby altogether. 

At Jaxon's two month checkup he weighed 15 lbs, 6 oz! It's like he ate another baby! He is such a chunky baby and he has lots of adorable rolls everywhere! I give him 4 oz at each feeding and sometimes he fusses until he gets a 2 oz top up. Because he is still pretty unpredictable about the amount he will eat, I don't automatically make him 5-6 oz bottles because I don't want to waste. I am proud to say that now Jaxon eats almost all breast milk-which also means that he eats more often, as breast milk is digested faster. Since he was 6 weeks old, I've been taking Domperidone 3 times a day and Fenugreek 2 times a day to increase milk production. I pump three times a day for 15-20 minutes and I'm now getting over 20 oz! 

His sleep has been a bit better. There was one night where he slept 7 hours straight and I thought I'd gone to heaven! Sadly, it was just a one time thing and the longest he will sleep now is about 5 hours max. He still sleeps in bed with me, in the crook of my arm-which means that my quality of sleep isn't great because I'm always making sure that I'm not rolling over or moving much. 

Jaxon is now in size 2 diapers and I'm so glad I only bought one box because he already fits in size 3's. I'm realllly hoping that I can make it through all the size 2 diapers before we delve into the larger sizes. 

Currently, Jaxon is wearing 3 month or 3-6 month clothing. Because his feet are so big and because he is so long, he is outgrowing his 3-6 month sleepers and is now wearing the 6 month size! 

Jaxon's One Month Update!!!!!

September 8, 2013

I cannot believe Jaxon is one month old already! It's true what they say-time flies when you have kids and you will be amazed at how fast they change. I keep getting weepy just thinking about how my baby isn't a baby anymore. 

At Jaxon's three week check up, he weighed 11 pounds, 4 oz! Yes you read that right-he has gained two pounds, two ounces in just three weeks!!!!!! 

Since Jaxon was two weeks old, he has been wearing three month old clothes and size 1 diapers. Because he has a smaller waist, I could put him in newborn pants until he was 4 weeks old and he is still fitting into his 0-3 month pants currently. Jaxon is also so long that I'm finding that some of his onesies don't fit because they are too short! 

At about 16 days old, his umbilical stump fell off and so far he looks like he has an outie. I'm not sure if that will change as he gets older. 

Jaxon is not yet sleeping a lot. At night, he wakes up to eat around 12 am, 3 am, and 6 am. He eats anywhere between 4-5.5 ounces at a time. Sometimes, he does not go back to sleep in between feedings and often times he wants to be held, so he sleeps in my arms. I had originally intended for Jaxon to sleep beside my bed in his bassinet, but he only napped in that a few times. Once in a while, he would nap on my bed, but at night, he would only sleep in my arms until I discovered the bouncy chair. Sometimes he would sleep in that, so I bought a Rock and Play, which is basically like a modern day, vibrating cradle that a lot of moms use for babies that like to be rocked and need to sleep at an incline due to gas or reflux. Now I put that beside my bed and he will spend part of the night in there and part of the night in my arms still. During the day, Jaxon will nap, but is often fussy.  I'm really hoping that my little guy will start sleeping for longer periods than three hours and will start sleeping more on his own.

Jaxon's Newborn Photo Shoot

Two Weeks Old

Photos by Rachel Barkman Photography 

Expectations

August 27th, 19 days old

Anyone who knows me, and I mean really knows me, knows that I set a lot in store by expectations. Perhaps it's because I'm such a planner-it's my way of controlling my environment. Creating expectations is my way of preparing.

Three weeks ago today, I went into the hospital to be induced. The irony here is that for my entire third trimester, we were worried that I would go into early labor. I was off work and on light duty for three months. I avoided travelling because I was scared that I would go into labor far away from the hospital I was registered at. The fact that I made it to term was a big accomplishment, and as each day passed, I felt sillier and sillier for even worrying that I would not have made it to that point. By the time my due date came around without so much as one contraction, I felt rather stupid about my initial worries and surprised that my expectations were not even close to reality.

Walking into the hospital on my due date to have the baby forcibly evicted from my body was not a situation that I had envisioned myself in. Also, my expectation was that I would have the baby that day. What ended up happening is that I was on cervadil for 30 hours, in labor for over 12 hours, pushed for 2.5 hours, and ended up with an emergency c section days later.

Before I got pregnant, and during my pregnancy, when I envisioned and planned for labor and delivery, I thought that I would have a birth free of interventions. I thought that I would go into labor on my own, before my due date, and that I would have an unmedicated water birth. I had planned on using a variety of positions to move the baby down into the birth canal and I had planned on using natural pain relief techniques to cope with the contractions. I was excited to birth my baby riding high on the euphoric waves of self satisfaction. I had envisioned that baby Jaxon would be birthed and placed on my chest for me to admire my handiwork. I had envisioned an empowered experience-one that would make up for the difficult pregnancy.

If you have read Jaxon's birth story, then you know it was full of interventions. Everything that I didn't want happened. True to the worst possible birth experience I had envisioned, I ended up hooked up to an IV, confined to a hospital bed with monitors on me and inside me, unable to birth him in the tub. I was not able to labor in any other position than flat on my back-which is the worst position to labor in. After my water broke, and after having dealt with oxytocin induced contractions for hours, I caved and got the epidural. After hours of pushing in every position I was capable of, and having Jaxon manually turned while inside my belly, I was told that Jaxon would not be able to be birthed vaginally and that I would have to have a c section. At that point I broke down in tears and I said that I had failed. And I did fail. If I had been patient, and waited to go into labor on my own, then I may have escaped the series of interventions that led to Jaxon's birth.

When I look at my precious baby crying in pain everyday because of his upset stomach, I think about how Jaxon could have been born vaginally and exposed to the bacteria that helps with digestion. When I look back on my expectations, my baby was supposed to be chill and easy going, not colicky and hard to comfort.

When I look back on my expectations, I never envisioned I would actually need a c section, even though I had one booked for my due date due to his size and the complications that may cause. Had I really prepared myself for this possibility, perhaps I would not be grappling with a sense of loss.

When I look back on my expectations, I think about how I always envisioned breastfeeding Jaxon for a year. He would be receiving the perfect milk that his body needs, and he would be better for it. He would never be given the man-made sawdust they market as formula because I was better than that. In reality-he sometimes gets more formula than breast milk because I am not able to breastfeed or exclusively pump successfully. Another failure of mine. Every bottle of formula, every unsuccessful latch or pumping session is another nail in the coffin and another scoop of formula.

When I look back on my expectations, I think about how Jaxon would sleep in the bassinet beside our bed and that I would just reach over the side of the bed when he woke up and breast feed him. In reality, Jaxon hates the bassinet and does not sleep at night much at all, and only when he is in my arms. In reality, I sleep in the living room, on the couch and I never get to sleep in bed or cuddle with my husband. It's isolating. In reality, I'm staggering around, delirious and exhausted washing bottles, pumping, and mixing formula.

When I look back on my expectations, I realise how foolish I was for even having expectations. As a new mother, all my preconceived notions are out the window and each day is just about survival. It's about meeting my son's needs first. It means sleepless nights, a dirty house, formula feeding, c section recovery, and a colicky baby. It means learning how to relinquish my expectations and control. It means learning that my life revolves, not around my own schedule, but around this tiny, dependent new life.

And perhaps the biggest learning experience of all is learning to raise my son in the way that works for us, and to let go of the expectations of others. Perhaps it's learning that although unmedicated vaginal deliveries and breastfeeding works for some mothers and babies, it did not work for me...and most of all, that I'm not a better or a worse mother for it. Perhaps it's accepting that motherhood is both a universal and an individual journey.

At the end of the day, my son is healthy, well fed, and most of all, loved. So loved.

I am a good mother. And hopefully with each passing day I can relinquish my expectations and embrace the untold possibilities of each coming day-no matter if they happen in the way I had expected.

Jaxon's First Pediatrician Appointment

August 21st-13 days old! 

When Jaxon was born, the doctors noticed that he had abnormally large fontanels-which are the soft spots located on the top of baby's heads. This can be an indication of a thyroid or a bone formation problem, so Jaxon had to have five blood tests while in the hospital, as well as an ultrasound of his head. 

Today my mom and I took Jaxon in for his first pediatrician appointment. Two days prior, my husband had taken Jaxon in for some repeat blood work to see if his thyriod stimulating hormone levels had gone down, as they were high when they tested him at the hospital. I was really nervous because if he indeed had a thyroid issue, he would have to take medication daily for his entire life. 

When we got to the office, Dr. Tang told me in between patients that his thyroid levels were normal!!!!!!

The doctor weighed and measured Jaxon and he was up to 4757 grams and measured 21.25 inches long. His head circumfrence and weight was between the 85th-97th percentile and he was in the 85th percentile for height. The doctor said that babies normally gain between 25-35 grams a day, but Jaxon was gaining on average 44 grams a day! 

The doctor was really awesome and answered all the questions that I had. We go back after he gets his two month shots so that she can monitor the soft spots on his head. 

Jaxon's Second Check Up

August 15th-One Week Old! 

The midwife came by again today to check on me and Jaxon. 

She weighed Jaxon and he was up to 4330 grams! Again she checked that Jaxon was going through enough diapers and eating enough. 

The midwife also answered all my breastfeeding questions and was really helpful! 

Jaxon's First Check Up

August 13th-5 days old

Today the midwife came over to check on me and baby Jaxon. 

She weighed him and said that he was 4150 grams-which was great considering that he was already above his birth weight. The midwife asked if he had been wetting and soiling enough diapers and asked how much and how often he had been eating. 

She also cut the clamp on his umbilical cord and helped with breastfeeding.

Overall, she was really happy with how much Jaxon has grown and how well he was eating! 

Bringing Baby Home

August 12th-4 days old 

This was the day we finally got to bring baby Jaxon home from the hospital! We had been in the hospital for six days and were so anxious to be going home. 

That morning, we went downstairs at 10:30 so that Jaxon could get an ultrasound of his head to ensure that his large soft spots had not caused a problem with his bone growth. During the ultrasound, Jaxon slept the whole time and never fussed once! The ultrasound tech said that Jaxon was the easiest baby she had ever worked with! Thankfully, we got the results right away and they said that all the results were normal! Two hours later, we were all packed up and ready to go! 

The nurse came in our hospital room and double checked that Jaxon was safe and secure in his car seat and then we were allowed to take him home!!!

Jaxon's Birth Story August 6th-August 8th

On Tuesday morning-the day of his due date-I woke up at 7am to get ready to head to the hospital for my induction. After my shower, I felt a little gush of warm, clear fluid. And then I felt a second gush, so I stuck the towel between my legs and ran to the bathroom. As soon as I sat down on the toilet, I felt another gush. I assumed my water had broken, so I called my husband, who was on his way to work, and he came back home. I called the hospital at 8am and asked when they wanted me to come in. They asked when I could make it and I said around 9:30-10, so they said to come right in. My mom arrived at our house around 8:30 and we hit up the McDonald’s drive thru before driving to the hospital. 

After paying for parking, we headed up to the 3^rd floor where the maternity unit is. When we got to the front desk, we had to check in and answer a bunch of intake questions. After that, we were taken to the fetal monitoring room, where I lay on a bed and was connected to a contraction monitor and a fetal doppler. I was in that room from 10-12:30pm, and during that time, I saw the O.B. and her resident, as well as the nurse. They asked me some more questions about my pregnancy and the nurse and O.B. checked to see if I had in fact lost any amniotic fluid. It turns out that my water was still intact-so not sure what those three gushes were. The O.B. also checked my cervix a couple of times, and they determined that I was 2cm dilated, but that my cervix was still long and closed, and that the baby was high up. Because of this, they determined that they would place cervadil in my cervix for 24 hours, but I would have to remain in the hospital because if my water broke while his head was so high, there was a risk of cord prolapse. 

So I was admitted to the hospital around 12:30pm and I was given the best room on the floor! The staff call it the princess suite, because it was a large corner room with four large windows. Unfortunately, the bed was extremely uncomfortable, as it was a delivery bed and was made to change into a variety of different positions. No matter how I lay, there was always a metal rod sticking in my back. Once I was checked in, I was given my hospital bracelet, as well as another bracelet with my allergy information on it. At this point, Jamie and my mom had gone home to pick up some more stuff since I was in for a longer stay than I had anticipated.  At about 2:30pm, the O.B. came back in the room to place the cervadil in. Amanda, my doula, came over later on in the evening to keep us company and to walk around the hospital with me in hopes of getting labor started. Well nothing happened whatsoever that evening and I went to bed. That night I felt some minor contractions, but they were ineffective and fizzled out. In the morning, they checked the cervadil at 10:30 am and said that my cervix was shorter and thinner and that baby had moved down a little bit. Another cervadil was placed and they said they would check this one after 12 hours. That day was pretty boring as well. Lots of sitting around and waiting for something to happen. To pass the time, I tried to rest and sleep as much as I could and I watched a bunch of movies on my laptop. That evening, my doula came over again and brought us Chinese food for dinner-which was a nice treat because hospital dinners are nasty. Amanda and I walked around the hospital some more, in hopes of getting the baby to move down. Later on, I was able to leave the hospital and Jamie and I went across the street to get slurpees. Later that evening, my cervadil fell out and a couple hours later, the O.B. came in to check my cervix again. At this point, she said that I was 3cm and had made more progress and I was finally ready to begin oxytocin! At 2:30 am, oxytocin was started and I went to sleep before the contractions would kick in and keep me awake. I slept until around 4:30ish and at that point, I was feeling some pain. At 6am, my O.B. came in to check my cervix and as I got out of bed, my water broke all over the floor. When she checked me, she said I was 5cm already and I was fully effaced! Soon after, contractions were coming strong and close together. I was barely getting a break in between them. Because of the oxytocin drip, I was confined to the bed with the contraction and fetal doppler monitor going. Around this time, I decided to try the gas in hopes of getting some pain relief, as I was unable to try to labor in any other positions that may have helped with the pain. Unfortunately, it did nothing for me and I found that breathing through the contractions was more effective. I am proud of myself for handling the contractions so well. By 7:30 am, my doula was there, I had two new nurses enter my room, and my midwife showed up shortly after. I also had the Obs coming to check in on me once in a while. Since the gas was not working, I asked for an epidural, and thankfully, the anaesthesiologist arrived shortly after to put it in. Man was it hard to lay cramped up in the fetal position having contractions while waiting for the epidural to kick in. They say there is no dignity in child birth and they are right! I felt like I had half the hospital poking and prodding me and staring at me in all my laboring glory. Honestly though, by this time-I honestly did not care at all, I just wanted the baby out! Because the baby’s heart rate kept dropping, I had to have an internal heart rate monitor placed on his head, and because of the epidural, I had to have a catheter. It seemed that I progressed fast and by 10:20ish, I was fully dilated. We waited until 12pm to start pushing in the hopes that the baby would continue to move down. After two and a half hours of pushing in different positions on my back and on my side, the Obs came in at 2:30pm and said that the baby kept moving positions and would not descend into the birth canal. Prior to this, they had come in and two Obs manually turned the baby in hopes of changing his position, but he continued to move. It was also difficult for them to determine which position he was in, as he moved so much. Because he was so high up, there was no way they could use any other interventions such as forceps or a vacuum. 

They told me after 30 hours of cervadil, 12 hours of labor, which included 2.5 hours of pushing, that I would have to have a C section. The ob answered all my questions and then had me sign consent waiver forms. Soon after, I was transferred to a stretcher and wheeled down to the operating room. Once there, they transferred me onto the operating table and started setting up. They put my arms out to the sides and they placed the sheet over my chest to block my view of the operation. The anaesthesiologist gave me a bunch more freezing medication in my epidural and then they briefed each other on my case before they started my surgery. Once they had started, I felt nothing except for the uncontrollable shaking in my arms from the freezing medication. Also, I had a cramp in my chest, but I was assured that it was normal and the midwife massaged it so the pain went away. I also threw up during the c section, which was no surprise, considering that I had been vomiting all throughout my labor and delivery. Soon after, Jamie came in and I felt a lot of tugging and pressure on my belly. After a couple minutes of that, I heard my son crying and I saw him being taken to the warming station to be weighed, measured, and cleaned. They passed him to Jamie to hold and he brought him over to me. I was too weak to hold him but I got to look into his scrunched up little face and talk to him. At the sound of my voice, he stopped crying and opened up his bright blue eyes to look at me. Jamie and the baby both left, while they finished my surgery. I layed there for what felt like another half hour while they sewed me up. I heard them talking about how much blood I had lost, and they explained that since I was in labor for so long, my uterus was tired from contracting, and because my son was so big, they had to cut a larger hole in my uterus to get him out. They were trying to determine whether or not I would need a blood transfusion, and they tried to place an IV in my arm. I was so out of it that I couldn’t tell them I have horrible veins and needed a specialist to put it in so they poked me four times in my right arm and once in my left before they finally got it into my left hand, right above my oxytocin IV. 10 days later and my arms are still bruised. 

After this, I was wheeled into a recovery ward where there were a bunch of other patients recovering from surgery. This was by far the worst, most traumatising moment-perhaps of my entire life. I was stuck in some random hospital ward with a bunch of other sick people, violently shaking from the chest up and numb from the chest down. I was probably more exhausted than I had been in my entire life but I couldn’t sleep-I felt like I was awake, yet asleep at the same time. I kept asking for my husband or my baby and no one would tell me anything. I had no idea where they were or if they were okay. I had no idea how much my son weighed or how long he was. I was wondering if my husband had told family and friends all his stats and I would be last to know. I was wondering if my parents had already met the baby and had I missed out on that too. I was wondering how many people had gotten to see and hold my sweet baby before me. I was wondering if they were feeding him already, without my consent. My midwife came down to check on me and told me she would be back with some information, but she never returned, even though I asked for her. I was told that I couldn’t be transferred back to my room until I could bend my legs so I was wiggling them as much as possible, praying that feeling would return soon. Finally, after a couple hours, my husband was allowed to come visit me and he did such an amazing job following my wishes. He had simply told my family that me and baby were recovering and that he would update everyone once I had a chance to meet and bond with my baby. My parents had not seen the baby and the only people to hold him were my husband and my doula. No one was sent any pictures or information and the baby was not bottle fed. I will be eternally grateful to my husband for safeguarding as many firsts as possible. Thankfully, at this point I could move my legs enough and I was wheeled to my room with my husband beside me. 

I was able to finally hold my sweet boy once I got back to my new room. I counted all his fingers and toes and kissed his little nose. I saw the color of his hair and noticed he had mommy’s nose and lips, but daddy’s hair and chin. They told me he weighed 9 lbs, 2 oz and was 21 inches long. He is the most beautiful baby boy I have ever seen and I am so in love with him. The midwife helped me breastfeed and express some colostrum to feed him with a syringe. 

Looking back, I cannot think about his birth story without crying. I don’t know what it is-perhaps it is the post partum hormones or the mixed emotions I feel surrounding such a momentous occasion. I had been dreaming about becoming a mom for so long, and I had nine months of pregnancy to plan and prepare for the biggest moment of my life. But nothing went according to plan and I wonder if I had just been more patient, and waited for labor to begin on it’s own, if I would have been able to have the birth experience I had wanted.

Originally I had wanted an all natural water birth. I had wanted to be able to walk the baby down and move into different positions during contractions to alleviate the pain and pressure and to allow my body to progress and open up. I had wanted to labor and deliver in the tub. Most of all, after such a journey, I wanted my sweet boy to be born into the world and placed on my chest for me to marvel at. I had dreamed of the moment when I would be the first one to hold him, where I would look over at my husband and together we would cry tears of joy. Where I would feel the euphoria of having conquered labor like a champ and having the sweetest reward to show for all my hard work. 

Don’t get me wrong, I will always look back on August 8^th, Jaxon’s birthday with so much joy. I am eternally thankful to have such a beautiful, precious gift-a son. No matter how he was born, I am lucky to be healthy and to be holding a healthy baby. It is hard for me to accept my choices and wonder if it is my fault that I ended up with a c section. I was assured that all the factors leading to the operation were unavoidable and that I did everything I could to push the baby out-but at the same time, this nagging doubt lingers. 

This is a powerful lesson for me-the control freak. I have learned so much through this pregnancy journey that has fundamentally changed me for the better. No matter how hard, or long, or tiresome the journey was, I am forever blessed to have experienced it. Nothing compares to the love I feel for my son-it is overwhelming. Now I have the rest of my life and his life to savor many other “firsts,” and to enjoy watching my baby boy grow. 

40 Weeks!!!!!

August 6th 2013

How Far Along: 40 weeks!!! 

Size of baby:  It's hard to say for sure how big your baby will be, but the average newborn weighs about 7 1/2 pounds (a small pumpkin) and is about 20 inches long.

My baby this week: His skull bones are not yet fused, which allows them to overlap a bit if it's a snug fit through the birth canal during labor. This so-called "molding" is the reason your baby's noggin may look a little conehead-ish after birth. Rest assured — it's normal and temporary.

Sleep: Some nights I will sleep okay, despite having to get up several times...but most nights my sleep is crap!

Best Moment of the Week: Despite all the ups and downs, I have made it to my due date!

Movement: Poor little guy must be so cramped...but not cramped enough, as he is still in there!

Gender: BOY!!!!!!

Food cravings: Still wanting sushi! 

What I Miss: A good night's sleep...yes I know I won't be getting that for a LONG time. 

What I'm Looking Forward To:  Meeting my son!!!

Milestones: Reaching my due date!

Emotions: Super impatient, yet scared, anxious, and excited about the birth. 

Symptoms: Same old, same old. 

Nursery!!!!!!

So I am a HUGE Harry Potter fan so I was so excited to make my son's nursery into a HP themed room! 

With some awesome Etsy finds, custom made bedding, knick nacks, and some custom made paintings, the room really came together! 

Painting I made!!!!!

Painting my friend bought Jaxon!

Custom made quilt, blanket, crib sheet, crib skirt, and change pad cover

Clothes hamper, diaper pail, and garbage can

Gryffindor colors! 

Amazing Prints!

Custom made curtains and pillow and painting! 

Books with custom made HP stuffies! 

Letters I painted!

39 Weeks!!!!!

July 26th-August 1st 2013

How Far Along: 39 weeks!!!  Only 7 DAYS until my due date!

Size of baby: It's likely he already measures about 20 inches and weighs a bit over 7 pounds, a mini watermelon. (Boys tend to be slightly heavier than girls.)

My baby this week: Your baby's waiting to greet the world! He continues to build a layer of fat to help control his body temperature after birth, but it's likely he already measures about 20 inches and weighs a bit over 7 pounds, a mini watermelon. (Boys tend to be slightly heavier than girls.) The outer layers of his skin are sloughing off as new skin forms underneath.

Sleep: Awful. I wake up frequently and have to get up to pee. I toss and turn and every time I have to move it's uncomfortable and painful. 

Best Moment of the Week: Finding out that I am dilated and that I had made progress from my last appointment! 

Movement: Some days he moves more than others. In fact, I even had to go to the hospital to check on him because he was barely moving. Some days he looks like he is trying to rearrange my stomach...so strange. 

Food cravings: SUSHI!!!!!!! Omg....been dying for sushi. 

Gender: BOY!!!!!!

What I Miss: I miss my body, as I've said before. I just want to get back to some kind of normal. 

What I'm Looking Forward To: Going into labor!

Milestones: At my last check, I was 2-3cm dilated!!!!!

Emotions: Feeling like everyone but me is having their babies and that I am going to be pregnant forever. Really, really frustrating. 

Symptoms: Back pain, nausea, vomiting, exhaustion, pelvic pain, sore feet, swelling ect ect. 

13th Midwife Appointment

August 1st 

39 weeks 6 days 

Well this appointment wasn't even worth going to and I left in tears! 

The midwife checked my blood pressure, listened to the heart beat, and measured my belly. Blood pressure was good, the HR was 140 BPM, and I was measuring at 39 weeks. 

She talked about induction, as the O.B. mentioned inducing me the next Friday depending on how my cervix was progressing. Since I was 2-3 cm dilated, she said that I may be able to skip the ripening gel and go straight to the oxytocin! That would definitely shorten the process. 

I was supposed to get another cervix check and a membrane sweep, but the midwife couldn't even reach my cervix so I left with nothing-feeling really angry that I had to miss out on something that could have jump started my labor. 

Non-Stress Test at Labor and Delivery

July 31, 2013

39 weeks 4 days

Well today I had a bit of a scare. I noticed that the baby had barely been moving all day, so I had some ice water, coffee, and a snack and sat around for about an hour and a half and the baby did not move once. So I lay down and still no movement. I called the midwife and she had me continue to lay down and call her back after a half hour. So in that half hour, the baby did move around 6 times, which is great, but there was only one strong movement. Because of this, the midwife had me come in to the hospital closest to me. The labor and delivery unit was pretty full, so I ended up in the birthing suite, which is the nicest room in the whole unit. I was pretty thankful to have some privacy, because I spent half the time I was there crying. 

The baby was doing great and as soon as the nurse put the heart rate monitor on, the baby kicked! His heart rate was normal and fluctuating properly. He also moved a lot in a half hour period. 

I can't believe this! The baby barely moves all day and then he's mister active as soon as I get to the hospital. So I feel pretty silly, but I was reassured that this is almost always the case and I was happy to know that my baby boy is doing well. 

The reason I was crying was because I am sleep deprived, hormonal, frustrated, scared, and doubting myself. Being in the birthing suite scared me and really made me realize that any day now, I will be giving birth. Even though I have had months and months to get used to the fact that I am having a baby, it is still surreal. Even when I hear his heart beat or see him on an ultrasound, I still cannot seem to fathom that I am having a baby. And that means that I am going to have to birth said baby. To me, no matter how the delivery happens, it is going to be frightening. I hate hate hate hospitals and medical situations and knowing that the worst pain of my life is just around the corner is a horrifying thought. I'm afraid of the blood and the IV and the pain medication itself. I'm afraid of having to be induced or ending up with a C section. I hate the unknowns and this whole situation is a whole bunch of anxieties wrapped up into one, which is starting to put me over the edge. 

Not to mention, I've been off work for three long months and have had way too much time to myself. I am doing everything I can to keep myself busy, but with all my friends apparently busy and little spending money, I end up spending a lot of time at home. It is so frustrating to know that I am wasting such a beautiful sunny summer cooped up inside, but really...I can barely move these days so it's not like I'm going to go hitting up parks and beaches by myself.  Not gonna lie, it sucks watching everyone else live it up, while I'm miserable. 

And I know that every single second of frustration or fear will be so worth it when I finally get my prize, but at the same time, I have no way to comprehend how amazing that moment will be. I hope for sanity's sake that I do not need an induction or a C section and that little man will hurry up already! 

O.B. Appointment

July 29th 2013

39 weeks 3 days 

Well I definitely did not think that I was going to still be pregnant at this appointment so I was disappointed that I even had to go. Also, I had to wait for an HOUR, which really pissed me off because that is an extra hour of sleep that I really would have benefited from. 

I only saw the O.B. for about 15 minutes. She measured and felt my belly and listened to the heart rate, which was about 140 BPM. She checked my blood pressure-which was pretty good as well. The O.B. checked my cervix and said I was about 1.5 cm dilated. She then did a stretch and sweep, which opened my cervix to 2-3 cm. She was also able to feel the baby's head and said that my cervix was shortening and thinning-basically it's doing what it's supposed to. 

I discussed my feelings of anxiety with her and she said that she would book me an appointment for three days after my due date and we can discuss an induction then depending on what my cervix is doing. So that is encouraging. 

The membrane sweep left me with some cramping and spotting, but that is totally normal. I was really hoping I would be one of those women who would go into labor within 24 hours, so I decided I would go home and try a bunch of natural induction methods. Well...despite trying several things, the baby decided he wasn't ready yet! 

So...I may just make it to my next O.B. appointment...shudder. 

38 Weeks!!!!!

July 19th-July 25th 

How Far Along: 38 weeks!!!  A whole week past full term!  Only TWO more weeks until my due date!

Size of baby: Your baby has really plumped up. He weighs about 6.8 pounds and he's over 19 1/2 inches long (like a leek).

My baby this week: He has a firm grasp, which you'll soon be able to test when you hold his hand for the first time! His organs have matured and are ready for life outside the womb. Wondering what color your baby's eyes will be? You may not be able to tell right away. If he's born with brown eyes, they'll likely stay brown. If he's born with steel gray or dark blue eyes, they may stay gray or blue or turn green, hazel, or brown by the time he's 9 months old. That's because a child's irises (the colored part of the eye) may gain more pigment in the months after he's born, but they usually won't get "lighter" or more blue. (Green, hazel, and brown eyes have more pigment than gray or blue eyes.)

Sleep: Some nights are better than others. Doesn't matter how much or how little sleep I get because I'm still tired. This week I've actually had two naps before dinner because I just couldn't keep my eyes open anymore! 

Best Moment of the Week: Finding out at my last appointment that baby's head has dropped even further into my pelvis. 

Movement: Yes he's still squirming around in there, but he must be so cramped! 

Food cravings: Well I'm really craving sushi but I haven't yet fulfilled that craving. This week, I've been pretty tame. 

Gender: BOY!!!!!!

What I Miss: Not being pregnant. I just miss my body. 

What I'm Looking Forward To: Finally seeing what baby boy looks like. 

Milestones: Well his brain is still continuing to develop, so it makes it worth it to have him still in there getting all smart! 

Emotions: Excitement and panic about impending labor. 

Symptoms: Much less nausea and vomiting, heartburn, foot pain, back pain, exhaustion. 

When I Was Born: My Mom's Account

I went to the hospital in the morning.. went up to my labour room… they spent some time hooking me up and giving me pitocin…

 Then when every thing was hooked up… they gave me a stack of magazines to look at to kill time.. your dad was there… they told him he might as well go to work because it was going to take awhile.

 So he left and I got comfortable and started to look through the very first magazine… next thing I knew my water broke. The nurse came in and I told her and she checked and said yep your water broke.

 I never even got to finish looking through the first magazine because the pain came almost at once. All back pain.  The doctor had been there and checked me out and then she left to go back to her office. They called her and told her to get  back right away.

 They also called your dad and told him he better get there too. He was at his office panicking because he couldn't find his car keys. He had everyone in his office looking for his keys before realizing they were in his pocket. Once he got to the hospital, he told the nurses he needed to get something to eat because he's diabetic. She threw him an orange. 

 It was all kinda fuzzy because the pain was rather intense and really not much break in between. Next thing I know your dad is there the doctor is there and I'm going into the labour room.

 It was over quickly. No time for drugs… just the gas which I would not let them take…

Predict My Labor Quiz

So just for fun I did a "predict my labor" quiz online. 

I was born 10 days overdue at 3pm. I weighed 7lbs 7 oz. My mom's labor was about three hours from start to finish. 

Jamie was born on his due date at 9:22pm. He weighed 8lbs 11 oz. His mom's labor was about 33 hours from start to finish. 

Based on this information my labor prediction is...

Just about the time you think you can't handle hearing one more "when is that baby going to pop?", your baby will decide to make it's appearance. We predict your baby will be born 3-7 days before its due date. Your baby will most likely be born in the morning. Justmommies predicts that your baby will weigh approximately 8.0 pounds and that your labor will be about 15 hours long.

That wouldn't be so bad, so let's home the internet is right. lol 

12th Midwife Appointment

July 23rd 2013

38 weeks 4 days 

Well my appointment today was really uneventful. We saw our favourite midwife, who is the one that leads the clinic. 

Baby seems to have slowed down in his growth and my fundal height measurement finally matches the number of weeks I am. Also, my blood pressure continues to be good and my weight gain has stalled this whole month. I have been gaining one pound and then losing it the next week so my total gain so far is 12 pounds! The baby's heart rate continues to be good and he has remained head down and on the right side of my uterus. Because labor tends to be less painful and shorter when the baby is on the left side, the midwife gave me a series of exercises to try every day to try and get the baby to turn. Also, she recommended acupuncture, so I am going to be trying that for the first time on Saturday. 

The plan is to cancel my scheduled C section at 40 weeks, and to be induced at 41 weeks if the baby still hasn't been born yet. I'm REALLY REALLY DESPERATELY hoping it doesn't come to that! 

37 Weeks!!!!!

July 12th-July 18th 2013

How Far Along: 37 weeks!!!  OFFICIALLY FULL TERM TODAY!!!!   Only THREE more weeks until my due date!

Size of baby:  Your baby weighs 6 1/3 pounds and measures a bit over 19 inches, head to heel (like a stalk of Swiss chard).

My baby this week:   Your baby is now considered "full term," even though your due date is three weeks away. If you go into labor now, his lungs will likely be mature enough to fully adjust to life outside the womb. (Some babies need a bit more time, though. So if you're planning to have a repeat c-section, for example, your practitioner will schedule it for no earlier than 39 weeks unless there's a medical reason to intervene earlier.)  Many babies have a full head of hair at birth, with locks from 1/2 inch to 1 1/2 inches long. But don't be surprised if your baby's hair isn't the same color as yours. Dark-haired couples are sometimes thrown for a loop when their children come out as blonds or redheads, and fair-haired couples have been surprised by Elvis look-alikes. And then, of course, some babies sport only peach fuzz.

Sleep: I think I only had one night of decent sleep the whole week. I AM SO TIRED. I just can't seem to fall asleep, and when I finally do, I wake up every hour or two and have to get up like three times to pee! 

Best Moment of the Week: Going to my O.B. appointment and finding out that she is no longer concerned about the baby's shape or size and that it is perfectly safe for me to attempt a vaginal delivery!

Movement: Yes-I feel him moving every day and night and some days he is more active than others. At this point, I'm not feeling many kicks or flutters, but more like rolls and jabs. 

Food cravings: This week I have been loving ice tea and Snickers bars! Not the healthiest. I could also go for some sushi, but I have yet to satisfy that craving. 

Gender: BOY!!!!!!

What I Miss: I miss myself. I feel like a cranky old lady has taken over my body. I am just miserable and uncomfortable at this point. 

What I'm Looking Forward To: Going into labor. It is the strangest feeling knowing that the biggest, most life-changing moment of my life is just around the corner and it could be hours, days, or weeks away! 

Milestones: Making it to full term!!!!!

Emotions: Feeling really frustrated that everyone and their dog are having their babies early and I'm still pregnant. I mean, I just hit full term so I still have some time until my due date, but I feel like I've been pregnant forever. 

Symptoms:  Nothing new. The usual misery. 

11th Midwife Appointment

July 17th 2013

37 weeks 4 days

So today I went to see the midwife for my weekly check up. We talked about preparation for birth. 

Basically we reviewed the stages of labor and what happens during those stages, what to expect, when to call the midwife ect.

We also talked about what to do if my labor is super fast and I can't get to the hospital in time. Basically, I was instructed to lay down on my side to slow contractions and to call 911 while I wait for the midwife. In the handout, there are also instructions on how to deliver the baby myself. 

It seems that the baby has slowed down in growth, as my uterus was only measuring 38 weeks! Also, my blood pressure remains excellent and my weight seems to have plateaued at 13 pounds. The baby's heart rate was 130 BPM and he continues to present head down and on my right side. His head is engaged in my pelvis so now it's just a waiting game...

Second O.B. Appointment

July 15th 2013

37 weeks 3 days

Today Jamie and I went to see the O.B. again. She was really nice and kept telling me that I have options and that I am the one that gets to choose if I have a C section or a natural birth. 

We reviewed the results of my last ultrasound and she said that the baby looks great and is not as big as she was expecting. Because of this, she said she is comfortable with me trying for a vaginal delivery and that there is no medical need to do a C section or to induce. A C section has been scheduled for August 6th, which will be 40 weeks exactly according to my new due date. So potentially I could be holding my baby in 22 days! The plan is to leave the C section scheduled and to meet again in two weeks to discuss my options. If I am still pregnant in two weeks, the C section will be really tempting and I hope that I can have the will power to cancel it and 

The reason why she does not want to indue until after my due date, is because it can cause more harm than good if the body is not ready and they try and force the baby out. After 40 weeks, the pros begin to outweigh the cons and they will consider induction then. 

The O.B. also checked my cervix and said that I was 1 cm dilated and that my cervix is softening, despite the fact that the baby's head is still high. Man that hurt and it was extremely uncomfortable. I almost cried while she was checking me, which makes me wonder how a wimp such as myself will even tolerate labor!!!!! 

So in an effort to get things moving, she suggested more natural induction methods such as walking and eating pineapple. 

So...I'm really hoping that I won't have to see her again in two weeks and that I will go into labor before then and not have to consider a C section, induction, or going over my due date. 

36 Weeks!!!!!

July 5th-July 11th 

How Far Along: 36 weeks!!!  Only ONE more weeks until full term and 4 until due date!

Size of baby:  Your baby is still packing on the pounds — at the rate of about an ounce a day. He now weighs almost 6 pounds (like a crenshaw melon) and is more than 18 1/2 inches long.

My baby this week: He's shedding most of the downy covering of hair that covered his body as well as the vernix caseosa, the waxy substance that covered and protected his skin during his nine-month amniotic bath. Your baby swallows both of these substances, along with other secretions, resulting in a blackish mixture, called meconium, which will form the contents of his first bowel movement.  At the end of this week, your baby will be considered full-term. (Full-term is 37 to 42 weeks; babies born before 37 weeks are pre-term and those born after 42 are post-term.) Most likely he's in a head-down position. But if he isn't, your practitioner may suggest scheduling an "external cephalic version," which is a fancy way of saying she'll try to coax your baby into a head-down position by manipulating him from the outside of your belly.

Sleep: What sleep? Sleep continues to elude me when I need it most. Can you say frustrating????!!!!! It usually takes me a while to fall asleep, and when I do, I wake up a couple hours later and continue to wake up every couple of hours or toss and turn all night. Not to mention-I have to get up at least three times a night to pee and with the congestion it is even harder to find a position that is comfortable enough to sleep in. What makes it even worse is that no matter how tired I am, I continue to sleep badly and then cannot fall asleep for a nap during the day. 

Best Moment of the Week: I got to see my baby on the ultrasound again this week and I actually got to see his sweet little face again. 

Movement: Of course, although I don't feel him move as much due to the lack of space he has to move around. I feel less kicks and more rolls. It is also really uncomfortable and at times painful. What is cool though is that I can usually feel where the baby is laying. 

Food cravings: Still loving the popsicles and soft serve ice cream. 

Gender: BOY!!!!!!

What I Miss: A good night's sleep. Yah I know, I probally won't be getting one for a long time. 

What I'm Looking Forward To: Making it to full term next week. 

Milestones: Making it to the ninth month of pregnancy!

Emotions: So tired of being pregnant, yet terrified and excited about labor happening. 

Symptoms: Nausea, vomiting, cramps, pelvic pain, foot pain, exhaustion, lack of sleep, heart burn. The one good thing I have noticed is that my skin has cleared up and I seem to have lost some weight, as my clothes are fitting looser. Not complaining about that!