Non-Stress Test at Labor and Delivery

July 31, 2013

39 weeks 4 days

Well today I had a bit of a scare. I noticed that the baby had barely been moving all day, so I had some ice water, coffee, and a snack and sat around for about an hour and a half and the baby did not move once. So I lay down and still no movement. I called the midwife and she had me continue to lay down and call her back after a half hour. So in that half hour, the baby did move around 6 times, which is great, but there was only one strong movement. Because of this, the midwife had me come in to the hospital closest to me. The labor and delivery unit was pretty full, so I ended up in the birthing suite, which is the nicest room in the whole unit. I was pretty thankful to have some privacy, because I spent half the time I was there crying. 

The baby was doing great and as soon as the nurse put the heart rate monitor on, the baby kicked! His heart rate was normal and fluctuating properly. He also moved a lot in a half hour period. 

I can't believe this! The baby barely moves all day and then he's mister active as soon as I get to the hospital. So I feel pretty silly, but I was reassured that this is almost always the case and I was happy to know that my baby boy is doing well. 

The reason I was crying was because I am sleep deprived, hormonal, frustrated, scared, and doubting myself. Being in the birthing suite scared me and really made me realize that any day now, I will be giving birth. Even though I have had months and months to get used to the fact that I am having a baby, it is still surreal. Even when I hear his heart beat or see him on an ultrasound, I still cannot seem to fathom that I am having a baby. And that means that I am going to have to birth said baby. To me, no matter how the delivery happens, it is going to be frightening. I hate hate hate hospitals and medical situations and knowing that the worst pain of my life is just around the corner is a horrifying thought. I'm afraid of the blood and the IV and the pain medication itself. I'm afraid of having to be induced or ending up with a C section. I hate the unknowns and this whole situation is a whole bunch of anxieties wrapped up into one, which is starting to put me over the edge. 

Not to mention, I've been off work for three long months and have had way too much time to myself. I am doing everything I can to keep myself busy, but with all my friends apparently busy and little spending money, I end up spending a lot of time at home. It is so frustrating to know that I am wasting such a beautiful sunny summer cooped up inside, but really...I can barely move these days so it's not like I'm going to go hitting up parks and beaches by myself.  Not gonna lie, it sucks watching everyone else live it up, while I'm miserable. 

And I know that every single second of frustration or fear will be so worth it when I finally get my prize, but at the same time, I have no way to comprehend how amazing that moment will be. I hope for sanity's sake that I do not need an induction or a C section and that little man will hurry up already!